


would i run off the world someday

by ghvsts



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: 5+1 Things, Gratuitous use of italics, M/M, i don't know how to tag, or title, the Foxes love Neil and Neil loves the Foxes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 04:26:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13605501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghvsts/pseuds/ghvsts
Summary: five times neil wants to run and one time he does (but not away)





	would i run off the world someday

**Author's Note:**

> this has been sitting in my docs for months so take it 
> 
> (title from the song 'runaway' by aurora)

**_I._ **

Neil doesn't know how long he's been running for.

_Technically_ , he's been running his whole life. At this very moment however, Neil doesn't know how long it's been. Doesn't know if it's been minutes or hours. He's drenched in sweat and his legs burn and his chest aches but he only slows to a stop when he realizes he doesn't really recognize what street he's on. He blinks the sun out of his eyes and tries to catch his breath, one hand clutching his side, eyes scanning the area.

He wonders if Andrew knows he's left yet.  
He'd barely moved when Neil left the room, which doesn't surprise Neil too much anymore, especially after the particularly tough game they'd played last night. They'd all been exhausted afterwards.

Neil can't remember what the dream was about, just that he woke up in a silent panic and the walls were closing in and he threw on the first clothes he grabbed and it was too much too much too much. He had the hit the pavement at full speed, the urge to run a painful, physical _need_ unlike one he had felt in ages. The same old thoughts, the same old _I've been still for too long's, I need to get out's, need to go's, need to leave's, need to run's_. He had run and run and run until his thoughts were white noise and he couldn't run any further, and then he had run some more.

Now he's in some subdivision and the panic and the itch to run, skip town, leave, is starting to creep back in, his exhaustion doing nothing to quell it.  
He doubles over, hands on his knees , and breathes like Andrew taught him. Like Betsy taught Andrew. In. Out. In. Out.

Neil straightens, runs his hands through his hair, mind racing a thousand miles a minute planning escape routes and starts off again at a jerky run until a car pulls up beside him and everything grinds to a halt. The first thing that pops into his brain is Ichirou, which is stupid, because Neil recognizes the car, knows the blond sitting in the driver with a familiar, entirely unimpressed look on his face. Andrew rolls the window down and Neil stumbles over, leg muscles protesting.

"I'm sorry."  
Andrew looks at him cooly.  
"I wasn't really going to leave. I- How did you find me?" Neil sighs when he doesn't get an answer, not that he should have expected one, and goes around to the passenger seat.  
"What'd you do- put a tracker in my phone?"  
Andrew just blinks at him. Neil rolls his eyes and climbs into the car. He leans back against the cool leather seat as Andrew pulls away from the curb.  
"Thank you."  
"Next time you make a break for it, do it at a more convenient time. I will not be getting up at 5:30 for you ever again. "  
"Thank you."  
"587%"

 

_**II.** _

The second time Neil tries to run, he's just gotten back from classes. He's tired and the urge to run has been building up all day and it's nearly unbearable. He wants to run, needs to move, move, move, move, has to get out of the dorm. He keeps trying to fight off the mounting panic, the tightness in his chest. It had been a bad day of classes. Too many stares and his scars ached with phantom pain.

He was just going for a jog.  
A run to clear his head.

The reach for his duffle bag, pre-packed months ago just in case, is unconscious. Almost.

He brushes past Aaron in the hall and he ignores Neil completely, which is just fine. Neil heads for the stairs and takes them faster and faster until he's practically jumping down each flight. He swings himself around a corner and collides with Renee.

She’s standing in the doorway to Fox Tower, hair slightly damp from the rain outside. Neil stumbles backwards, and Renee jerks away.  
“Neil,” she says, surprised. “Are you alright?”  
“I’m fine,” Neil says and tries to edge around her. She eyes his duffel bag, his hand clenched around the strap. She’s holding a stack of ice cream cartons and at Neil glance, she explains, “Allison, Dan, and I were going to watch a movie.” She pauses. “Would you like to join us? We’d love to have you.” Neil blinks.

“I’ll trade you your bag for the ice cream,” Renee says carefully, “my fingers are frozen.”  
Neil hands over his bag, taking the ice cream from her, and Renee smiles. “Thank you,” she says.  
And all Neil can do is nod numbly as the desperate chanting of _run_  in his mind fades, and he follows her back upstairs.

 

_**III.** _

The next time, it is a quiet but conscious decision. Looking out at the court where his teammates practice, Neil realizes he would do anything to keep his Foxes safe. It’s startling, but true, and Neil feels the weight of it settle in his stomach.

He will not see them hurt ever again, least of all because of him.  
He spends the rest of practice silently planning his escape and by the time Dan calls it for the day, his arms are tingling from too many easily-avoided checks.

Neil doesn’t know how Wymack picks up on it, doesn’t know how Wymack picks up on half the things he does, but he asks to see Neil in his office. When Neil knocks and enters, Wymack does nothing but look pointedly at a copy of his contract on his desk, _Neil Josten_ scribbled on the dotted line.

It’s enough.

 

_**IV.** _

Matthew Donovan Boyd is nothing, if not a good friend. He’s seen that look in Neil’s eyes before, thinks he knows what that silence means.

Matthew Donovan Boyd decided, the moment he laid eyes on Neil Josten, that he would fight anyone and anything that dared to hurt this broken boy. Matt can’t fight ghosts however, so he’ll settle for making sure Neil doesn’t get hurt ever again, and that he catches up on every movie he missed while growing up too fast.

After practice, Matt approaches Neil. “Hey man, want to come back to my room? We’re overdue for a movie night.”  
Neil blinks. Glances at the doors leading out of the stadium. Glances at Andrew standing nearby. The striker isn’t as good at hiding his emotions as he thinks he is sometimes and Matt can see his hesitation.

Agreeing to a movie means staying.  
Agreeing to a movie means Neil can’t run tonight and it’s evident in every tensed muscle Neil’s been holding all week how badly he wants to do just that.

Matthew Donovan Boyd watches as the flight leaves his best friend, watches as he smiles slowly and nods.

Matthew Donovan Boyd tucks a blanket around Neil when he falls asleep on the couch later that night.

 

_**V.** _

The panic comes out of nowhere and in waves, like it usually does. The overwhelming urge to get out— he can’t be sitting here, watching a movie with the Foxes, that’s stupid. He’s stupid, so stupid, what was he thinking?

But then Neil feels Andrew’s thigh press against his own as he shifts next to him on the couch and his heartbeat slows. Andrew catches Neil looking at him and rolls his eyes, as if he knows what’s running through his mind.

Neil exhales and looks around at his family. He is okay. He will be okay. They are okay. They will be okay.

 

_**VI.** _

He’s been itching to move, move, move, all week and Eden’s Twilight is the last place he wants to go, but Andrew’s going, so Neil will go too.

The minute they arrive though, Neil can tell coming here was a bad idea. One of his worse ideas, if he’s being honest, which is saying something.  
It’s packed tonight and the music is too loud, giving Neil a pounding headache the second they walk through the doors.

He manages barely an hour at their table, littered with empty glasses, until he can’t take it anymore. He stands and mumbles something like, “I’m going to dance with Nicky”. Andrew raises his eyebrows, but says nothing and Kevin tosses back another shot and says something Neil can’t quiet understand, but sounds like he’s thanking God for vodka.

Neil allows himself to swept up by the crowd and disappears amongst the writhing bodies. He pushes his way to the back and hurries out the first door he finds. His skin in crawling and Neil’s so desperate to get away from the club at this point, that if he didn’t already have a key to Andrew’s car he would’ve broke into it.  
He’s yanking open to door and sliding into the driver’s seat and before he can think too much about it, he’s pulling away from Eden’s and speeding down the highway.

Neil drives. Just drives and tries not to think. He’s so out of it that it takes him twenty minutes to realize he’s parked in the driveway to the cousins’ house.

It hits him then. He stole the car. Left them all there. They’re going to be _pissed_.  
The next thing that hits him is that he doesn’t really care. Neil’s pretty sure if he had stayed another hour he would have snapped, and the relief of being away from the club is crushing. Slowly, Neil climbs out of the car and makes his way to the door of the dark house. As he lets himself inside and heads up to Andrew’s bed to sleep, Neil’s almost proud. Sure, he’ll have to put up with Aaron’s bitching tomorrow, but he didn’t run away. Not really. He just went home.

**Author's Note:**

> oof this is short & been done halfway to death but thank you for reading!! kudos/comments are much appreciated i'll love you forever & endlessly
> 
>  
> 
> also! if you see a typo or mistake pls lemme know i'll owe you my life
> 
>  


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